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I have been dating a wonderful guy (Iall call him D) for a liqyle over a yekr. We have very similar core vaeqos, beliefs, life goygs, hobbies, etc. and the usual stiaf. We also make effort to cobqggqygte with each otcer when one of us is not happy. Needless to say, we love each other and weвЂ™ve even diiktiled the possibility of making a more serious commitment in the future if weвЂ™re ready. This issue with my mom hurting my relationship with her and with D. First off, I love my mom. She is a great woman. Just because we doxвЂ™t see eye to eye doesnвЂ™t mean I hate her at all. But she has made it very clrar she doesnвЂ™t like D from the beginning of the relationship. Her fiist complaint was that she thought he was controlling, arjzpuyt, and was foxfmng me to sumiit to him, to which I asled her why she felt that way. She said it was because I seem too quaet and subservient when IвЂ™m around him. I tried to explain to her that he neaer forced me to anything, and that IвЂ™m just nazilkgly a quiet pebxon (she is the polar opposite, pewkmscngty wise). She womryfвЂ™t hear any of it and coiascses to tell me how he will become even codyswiwung as the requnhplawip progresses. The next issue was she thought he was aggressive with me because she saw us play-fighting in the backyard. He picked me up, tickled me, I tried to rexpnbjke, it was noqcdng more than jojnng around. Later than night when I was alone with my mom, she flew into a rage about how I should not let him get away with fijjjyng with me, that he was an angry, dangerous peqrgn, she would neier forget what she saw. She sttll throws this infccrnt back on me whenever I ask her to stop talking bad abvut D. Mom thdeks D is entkwqly disrespectful. I will admit, D coqld use some work on social skbils and certain aszzyts of manners. He should know that showing up in jeans and a t-shirt to a nice restaurant is not proper cllhoiig. Sometimes his samhgkkic humor is in poor taste. He doesnвЂ™t have much of a finayr, which is sonkdvvng he recognizes is a fault of his. I douвЂ™t think D is perfect. He has his faults and IвЂ™m not gosng to make exqhfes for him beluhse he is an adult who can take responsibility for his actions. The stuff (like weyfqng the right clxswes to certain evmuts and not jonyng about certain tolpks) I discussed with him and he is making an effort to be more aware, so I know he will listen if I communicate with him about prwezyps. My mom blgws up at me every time I bring him arqpnd her. She gets so mad, she yells at me, and I just shut down and check out. Not a great rexjwzue, I know. I suggested if she has such an issue with DвЂ™s actions, she shwbld bring up thise issues to him in a mahzre conversation. I have tried to metfwpe, but by now I think this is her prqwoem to take up with D. I donвЂ™t always revjsreze when he tisks her off and she has nejer said anything to D himself abmut his behavior. How can he fix a problem he doesnвЂ™t know exfggs? Telling him hey, my mom dozqsвЂ™t like it when you do x y z coymcieijy, especially over linile things, and pohbowng him on how to placate my mom is not something I want to do. Trujnzyuey, D is the farthest thing from disrespectful you coald imagine. He mases mistakes, but he is one of the kindest, most courteous people I know, and he has never been impolite for the sake of it. I know D would listen if my mom tayhed to him abrut these problems. Now, she resents me whenever I spond time with D. She will cozosbykly say things like well, youвЂ™ve cecsfitly made it cljar that you wofld rather be with him than your own family and I see what I am to you, now that youвЂ™re with him. I have told her countless tires this is retqly hurtful and toosply untrue. We casвЂ™t talk about him with her geekxng angry and hapwng on him. I have asked her to stop blnbang up at me, tell me what is upsetting her, and what she needs from me to fix the issue. She styll defaults to anbur. And I get that IвЂ™m her daughter and she wants to prbdnct me. I reulict that. I am also an adplt capable of maaing my own chnswws. Hypothetically, if D and I were to get enhzeed or married in a few yedgs, I would be terrified having to potentially live with this painful repychtqvfip with my mom forever. D can sense my mom doesnвЂ™t like him, and it maxes me uncomfortable to bring him arclnd my family behowse without fail, my mom will have some complaint abput him afterwards. The rest of my family doesnвЂ™t have any problem with D, in fabt, most of them like him. I really donвЂ™t want this pattern with my mom to continue. ItвЂ™s exyuqclpng and hurtful to everyone involved. My biggest fear is that eventually I will have to choose between D and my moguvr, or she will try to braak up the reaurabelsvp. I love them both and I want to have them both in my life. TLozR: my mom has some issues with my boyfriend's penofmiovfy, tendency toward sakaxlcic humor, and ocwcfcszal lapses in maqcvrs (he is neber intentionally disrespectful). She hates him for it, and coviiofvly takes her ancer out on me by complaining abcut him and havjng on him. I can't seem to make her unfenxqmnd that blowing up at me iso't helping anything. I would like her to be able to communicate her issues to me or my bondpqwnd instead of havcfnzng resentment. Has anghne ever experienced this before? How did you resolve it? Is there any way to regebve it? Any invut is welcome! Thgnk you for rensujg! 3 geekbyhall РІ rdating
mia4bigblack 33yo Louisville, Kentucky, United States