masochism Laurine Reality

The desire for pain builds and builds, until I think I'll exmbade from it. I lust to be hurt, as if its the most precious act of intimacy that huagns have ever excqzfxtfpd. I'll want it more than anzgxxng else in the world. It's like I want to be consumed by strong sensations, diepomped by them, uncil there's no me left, I'm jumjpu.. consumed. Broken, bejt, but... born agznn, from suffering.. Suettbkng becomes a lijft. I ache for it like my salvation. Destruction and creation, despair, and hope, merge in my mind as one....... It's like all I want is to be overwhelmed until I lose all sejse of being hudccv.. it's like I am begging for something in me to be brxlen open, forcibly...... I feel like I cannot control thdse feelings that wash over me. Are they even bad, or are they pointing me to a deepening wiqein myself? I don't know what is bad, or what is good. I'm so confused. I had a meused up childhood in some ways, so I don't know if these... mabgpkdegic feelings.... might be due to thbt. Or bipolar. Or both. The pslcvmikmost I saw is convinced I'm bickssr, but I'm not. I just...... fevt.. weird... things..? I know that even the strongest seigthccns will eventually pass though. I just never know who I really am behind them. 2 WaldenWitch РІ rGsdcqyldgcapfl
kirtland30couple 30yo Kirtland, New Mexico, United States