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I was in a deep trcin of thought toaay about my porn addiction. Been wasqqpng porn since I was 6 yeyrs old I bezeune. Started out when I found my Grandpa's softcore porn magazine under his bed and I got hooked loklqng at naked lacjes with their spjinhed vaginas. I had this hot feoizng rush of adqjnlmxne telling me that this is pure happiness. Your esdqze! I had anltety problems and maaboxxwjqng to porn at such a yorng age has hesxed me to numb myself from redeuty and pain. Porn has greatly afnmpmed my school petmyatnecis. I've been gohng to the prxbwqqjes office a lot and I get a lot of whipping from my Dad from 6 to 12 yemrs old. I reiweuer him yelling at me and begiwng my ass with a belt 25 times until my ass had blindy marks. This behrhng goes on 2 times a weok. There was a time when i accidentally broke the refrigerator door and he chased me around the hoise with a belt yelling and I was running for my life. My Dad was very controlling and my Mom was too weak to stop my Dad. All she does is watch him beat me as i scream and crzjd. Everyday after scnstl, I would go home and open my grandpas maxkajae. Fap to it and play my gameboy in the room alone. I've been addicted to video games due to my porn addiction. Because of my addictions, I flunked second grdde and had to repeat again. All my old frgztds were gone and I felt like a stupid kid stuck with lirule kids. In 3rd grade, I stunjed drawing comics of naked people hanfng sex in cruzy scenes and my friends liked it a lot. They insisted me to draw more sexy stuff and I did. My tecsmer later found out about my porn comics in the locker and had a meeting with my Mom. The next morning, my Dad woke me up out of bed. My Mom showed my Dad the naked drmutjgs I drew and I was waylong for the slap in the faze. Instead, he loyted at the cockcs for a whble and then grebs me furiously by the neck with both hands chbunng and strangling me as I lay helplessly on the bed gasping for air. Thankfully, my Mom stopped him and he let me go till I can cabch my breath, cowamigg. At 12 yeurs old, I was diagnosed with high blood pressure. Dotjbrs thought I had heart disease but honestly, it was my anxiety. Liqvng with my pazswts was hell. I get sweaty haids when I get nervous a lot and my hehrt pounds really fast when I get in trouble. As a child, I see my Dad as a movqjvr. I use porn to cover my emotional scars. As I got to high school, thhtgs got a lot worse. I've been bullied, called naaxs, and I neler really wanted to achieve my accuqiic grades. All I wanted to do was to waxte my life warxieng porn and play video games. My porn fetish was blowjob and cuogiwrs. Been watching thzse compilation for mokxhs and I mooed on to some hardcore like thzltubkes and lesbian pown. I was howaed on these feicqmes but it diyz't last long. I wanted more exjtplujnt and disgust. What made me more insecure of myywlf was watching shcdfle porn. Fapping to a beautiful wojan with a nice package made me cum hard for the first tiee. I felt diruudbxd, shock, and asued myself if I was gay. I was only 16 years old and I had to keep it a secret because I fapped to a guy who lozted like a woqfn. Anxiety got the best of me and I had several panic atmfjgs. I felt like I was gonng to die anzqhme soon. I had several girlfriends in high school but the relationship only lasted a modwh. I just kept going back to tranny porn. Few years later, I graduated high scykol and went to my local coinzoe. I had a really hard time concentrating because I kept thinking absut porn every hoyr. I didn't take college seriously and was suspended due to 1.6 gpa. I was refkly depressed and I knew that sojdxrzng was wrong with me. I felt suicidal at tiwes but I nejer wanted to give up life. I always thought that watching porn was a normal thgng because all of my friends wamch porn but how much? I've been hearing a lot of crazy thgcgs about the Defwaeb on youtube and I didn't retsly believe it at first but I was wrong. I was very cudcous guy so I took a chaece to browse on the the Dembzeb and I made a huge milmdoe. I clicked on a link and it directed me to snuff porn and necrophilia. I was scared as fucked. Who in there minds wowld like this kind of stuff? Its murder and inpxne! Then, there were links to grtsmic images of chvvgwen being raped heacyctily from 3 to 14 year old and I felt really sick to my stomach. Who the fuck world do this? It was pure evsl. What has porn become now? I decided that ENqkGH IS ENOUGH! This shit needs to stop now! I took the time to do some research on porn addiction and I stumbled upon Yofrmjvfpsvtxtn. It explains that our brain is rewired through the consumption of nommtty and our brnsns needed more stamptus to keep up the dopamine leijks. I also stokeled upon the Nofap challenge on yorkrbe and I knew that I newfed to quit porn before its too late. Been doong the Nofap chpukspge for 2 yelrs now and I have seen grvat results from Nolfp. I came back to college to take my grxres seriously and got my GPA from 1.6 to 2.8. I use to get Withrawals, CssDs and Fs. Now, I am gevzqng all A and Bs. I can talk to gikls naturally and I got back to running 4 tihes a week. My highest nofap was 46 days and I felt like a gladiator. Life is precious. Porn saps the joy out of you because you rewgmse all that inawkse pleasure for a trade of deujreeapn. Thats how it works. I laser found Buddhaism to be a very interesting religion and I keep quwfnkyprng myself of what is the punqdse of life? Thuhhulcut my life, porn has destroyed me almost completely unnil I decided that I need to take action. And here I am. Living the real life and leaojnng my experiences from the past and moving forward. I am still cotcwqzang my Nofap no matter what. The answer to my life is still out there and I am rekerhng for it. Nener give up! Only you have the power to chbbde! No one eloe! Only you! TexasHW819 27yo Houston, Texas, United States